14 Tips for Chess Parents whose kids are new to chess – Part II

Hello everyone! In my first-ever post, I shared the first few tips for chess parents. The response was wonderful—thank you for all the messages. Here are the remaining tips.

Tip 6: Understand the difference between tactics and strategy

Many parents—especially those who don't play chess themselves—hear their child's coach say "your child needs to work on tactics" and think it means their child is weak. It's worth understanding what this actually means.

Tactics are short-term calculations: seeing combinations, forks, pins, and mates. Strategy is long-term planning: understanding which squares to occupy, how to build a structural advantage, when to trade pieces.

Most children develop tactics first. Strategy comes later, after they've built a pattern library. Don't worry if you hear "we're still working on tactics after six months." This is normal.

Tip 7: Don't use screen time as punishment or reward for chess

"No chess until you finish your homework" or "if you win the tournament I'll give you extra screen time" are well-intentioned but counterproductive. They turn chess into either a burden or a transaction, when the goal is for it to be intrinsically motivating.

Keep chess separate from the reward-and-punishment system you use for other things.

Tip 8: Set realistic time expectations

A child who takes one 30-minute lesson per week and does one puzzle day will not improve at the same rate as a child who takes two lessons, does a puzzle set daily, and plays one tournament per month. Neither outcome is wrong—they reflect different levels of investment.

Set expectations that match the actual investment, not aspirational hopes.

Tip 9: Trust the coach's sequencing

It can be tempting—especially for parents who play some chess—to supplement lessons with their own material: YouTube videos, different books, different openings. This often backfires. A good coach has a curriculum sequence for a reason. Introducing conflicting information creates confusion.

If you have questions about the curriculum, ask the coach directly. But try to resist freelancing.

Tip 10: Celebrate effort, not results

"I'm so proud of how hard you're thinking" is more valuable long-term than "I'm so proud you won." Results in youth chess have a huge variance component. Two identically-skilled players will produce different results on a given day based on luck of pairings, sleep, breakfast, and dozens of other factors.

Effort is stable. Praising effort teaches children to stay engaged even when results don't go their way.

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Thank you for reading both parts. If you have questions about coaching your child, feel free to reach out through the Contact page.