Tips for Parents of Kids New to Chess, Part I

Finally! The very first post! This post is long overdue—a friend once told me that I should be sharing my thoughts more widely, and I've been putting it off for too long. So here we go.

Why This Post

I teach a lot of kids chess. And I work with their parents constantly—side conversations after lessons, emails, questions in the car on the way home. Over the years I've noticed that parents often make the same mistakes, not out of negligence but simply because no one told them better.

So here, I'm collecting the first set of tips that I wish every chess parent knew.

Tip 1: Don't coach from the sideline during tournaments

This is the single most damaging thing a chess parent can do. Your child is trying to think, to concentrate, to solve a complex problem—and then a voice from two feet away whispers "did you see that knight?" It breaks their focus, it undermines their confidence, and in most tournaments it's actually against the rules.

Your job during the game is to be invisible. Supportive invisible, not absent invisible. Be there when they come out of the game for water or a break. But during the game, step away.

Tip 2: Control the post-game reaction

Your reaction after your child loses a game has an outsized influence on their relationship with chess—and with competition in general. If you visibly deflate, sigh, or ask "what happened?" with a tone of disappointment, you are teaching them that losing is shameful.

Losing is not shameful. Losing is information. It is how every chess player—including Grandmasters—learns.

Try instead: "That looked like a tough game. How did you feel at the board?"

Tip 3: Resist comparing your child to others

Every chess parent wants to know where their kid ranks relative to the other kids in the club or the school team. This is natural. But children pick up on these comparisons very quickly, and it shifts their motivation from internal ("I want to learn this") to external ("I have to beat that kid").

External motivation is fragile. Internal motivation compounds.

Tip 4: Don't demand immediate analysis after a loss

When a child walks out of a lost game, they need a minute—or ten—before they're ready to learn from it. Immediately asking "where did you go wrong?" while the emotions are still raw is not productive instruction. It's just pressure.

Let them breathe. Get a snack. Walk around. Then, when the dust has settled, you can revisit the game together.

Tip 5: Create the conditions, not the outcomes

Your job as a chess parent is to create the environment in which your child can improve: regular lessons, access to books and puzzles, time to study, and exposure to tournaments. It is not your job to make them improve on your schedule.

Chess improvement is nonlinear. There are plateaus that can last months. The parents who stay the course—without pressuring or withdrawing support—see the best long-term results.

More tips in Part II →